Make New Friends but Keep the Old...

Make new friends
but keep the old;
one is silver
and the other gold.

A circle starts
but never ends;
that's how long
I want to be your friend.

I remember singing this song as a very young Girl Scout and for some odd reason it has always stuck with me. I've always had problems making and keeping friends. It is easy to pass through life with only acquaintances; real friendships take time. Those real friendships require intimacy, trust, forgiveness, and giving. A whole LOT of giving.

I'm an only child; always have been and always will be (as I don't think my mother has any plans of starting over NOW). And with a small family, I have come to rely on those few intimate friendships that I've developed over time. And sometimes - no, a lot of times - I think back to people that I knew in middle school and high school and wonder what happened to them. Those passing acquaintances that I always wanted to get to know better but was either too shy or too much of a nerd and not in the same social class with them. Middle school and high school were not easy for me; I wanted to be friends with the "cool kids" because they were this enigma to me. And sometimes they would show the tiniest bit of kindness, though never in front of their other friends, and I would get my hopes up. But it never lasted, and I would undoubtedly go back to being the kid who was shy, withdrawn, smart, and in a class apart with a set group of friends to pick from. Do I regret that? No. I made some fabulous friends, despite losing touch with many of them. But that is what happens when you start over in life and move on.

For the past 8 years I have made my life in Philadelphia, going home to visit my Mom on Long Island for weekends and holidays. Some day I probably will go back when time has past and I feel reconciled with those connections I lost along the way. Some day I will feel like I fit in with all those people I grew up around and the town I grew up in. But that isn't today.

But I am grateful for the few close, true friends I have. People come into our lives at a specific time for a specific reason. They won't all last, I know that. But for right now, after this weekend especially, I love the people in my life. Above all Paul and my Mom, and close behind with a special place in my life are Joe and Joyce and Amanda and Ash and Meredith and Julie and Taylor... and so many others. And of course there are countless people who flit in and out of my weekly existence that I love, but they are too many to list so you'll just have to assume you're on there.

And perhaps one day one of these people listed below (in no particular order) will Google their name and know that I wonder where they are, how they are, even if I haven't reached out to them recently or at all. Some have found me on Facebook but we really haven't talked. Some have found me on MySpace but it's a horrible means of communication. Teachers, friends, mentors, people who lived near by, people who I knew for a fleeting moment, people who may not remember me or ever give me a second thought, people who showed me a small kindness that I never said thank-you for, people who I put off getting back to and now have lost touch with completely, people who may have found me annoying when I was younger, people who I miss... I just wonder... and somewhere in the burbs of Philadelphia there is a thought going your way....

Chris Haunss ... Matt Fiordaliso ... Erin Mallay ... Mike Marchello ... Tara Farrell ...Matt Schuler ... Cat Goncalves ... Andrew Hetzler ... Kurt Frankhauser ...Goldie Seiderman ...Kristin Studer ... Greg LaFauci ... Holly Zino ... Jacob Rothstein ... Levi Halberstadt ... Larry LeBron ... Bobby Kelly ...Jason Cantwell ... John Kikut ... Frank Van Zant ... Laura Napolitano ... Michael Scuzzese ... Danielle Tumminio ... Matt McBride ... Kate Timothy ... Tom Devlin ... Caitlin Gutekunst ... Keith Gamache ... Kim Lowenburg ...

Time it was and what a time it was it was
a time of innocence a time of confidences.

Long ago it must be, I have a photograph
preserve your memories; they're all that's left you.
~ simon&garfunkle